[Aztec]

By Christian Wilson

About Madison Hart

So Madison’s wearing this gold necklace, right? I was thinking, yo that looks like an Aztec necklace. Not like gift shop Aztec but like jungle, pyramid, ancient gods, heart sacrifice Aztec. I was just sitting there scratching my head. What are the only two ways to get some Aztec bling? You either rob a museum or raid a tomb. So I’m like damn, this chick’s either Danny Ocean or fricking Indiana Jones, but since Indiana Jones is way more culturally relevant than Ocean’s 11, it’s got to be the latter.

So obviously, she’s in some long-forgotten Central American temple. She’s like, in this big stone room. You know vines everywhere. Vines on the wall, vines hanging from the ceiling, vines on the floor. It’s like fricking vine Oprah, just vines everywhere. And she’s trying to solve an ancient puzzle and she’s smoking a cigarette. Actually, it’s a cigar because cigars are classy. Cool people in the ‘40s smoke cigars, especially archaeologists. 40s archaeologists like chain smoke cigars. Actually she probably isn’t smoking anything because it’s 2015 and let’s be real, nobody smokes cigars anymore.

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