Author: jesakal

[For Sale]

by Emma Davis

For Sale: Old notebooks, filled with failed drawings of birds and flowers and my sister’s stuffed animals. Slightly used, with pages torn from the back and somewhere in the middle, because the words on those pages were the only thing I could create that took the shape of something more than scribbled black lines of ink and graphite. But it doesn’t matter to me anymore. You can judge for yourself whether or not they look like birds and flowers and my sister’s stuffed animals or not.

 

For Sale: Bone, cracked and broken, split down the center like the shell of a nut, aged by moist brown dirt and sugar-colored sand that tastes nothing at all like sugar. Maybe it was part of a dog, maybe not. My dad and I were never too sure, because it broke in my small hands as soon as I picked it up off of the cold sugary sand of my backyard. Used, so be careful not to drop it. But it doesn’t really matter, because nothing can break a young girl’s infatuation with the bones that lie beneath the sugary sand.

 

For Sale: Every word that I have ever written, on my skin, on lined white paper, on my walls with pencils so that I could erase them later, on note-cards, on frail wooden fence pickets that had fallen down a long time ago but remained lying in the sugary sand of my backyard, and on the sugary sand underneath them. Don’t tell me what you think of my half-baked stories that were never completed because they were in first person and I had already killed the main character, of the overly-poetic poems, of the essays with no theses, and of the memoirs made of disjointed thoughts and memories that might have been dreams or fantasies composed like symphonies while I tried to fall asleep. Don’t tell me, because I already know, because I’ve already read them so many times, edited them so many times, and I know what you will say. Extremely used, with red and black and blue lines covering bruised, bloodied, discarded words that I killed because they didn’t work out because they didn’t fit with the rest. Be careful with them, frame them on your wall or hide them in a box under your bed, because they are all that I have ever had.

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[Elaina Weakliem 2017-18]

Elaina likes to write slightly off-color fiction or over-the-top nonfiction pieces and has been a YAC member for one semester. If writing were not an option, then oil paintings of squirrels or giving into insanity would be the most logical creative outlet for her.

  1. Describe the most embarrassing picture of you as a baby that your parents use to blackmail you. I have a picture of me dragging our vegetable steamer by the cord through on my daily route through the house, wreaking havoc in my path. I think I wanted a dog.
  2. What is your third least favorite color and what number do you associate with it? Beige. It’s the color of complacency, and I associate it with the number 8.
  3. What’s your favorite mythical creature? He’s not my favorite, but Bigfoot and I have tea and talk politics sometimes. He has some interesting thoughts on Karl Marx.
  4. What is the current bane of your existence? Intensely painful foot-cramps during important Skype conferences.
  5.  What’s the most extreme action literature has ever provoked you to do? I’m either incredibly smart or incredibly boring because action literature has never provoked me to do anything. Most of my extreme actions/injuries have been accidents or moments of stupidity.
  6. What game show would you want to be on? Why? I dislike game shows because the announcers are always freakishly happy, so I think I’ll pass on this one.
  7. If you were a parrot, which Eastern European country would you travel to and why? If I were a parrot, I’d travel to Belarus, because it’s beautiful, and the name is fun to say. Belarus. Belarus. Belarus.
  8. Who is your B-list celebrity crush? (Famous but not that famous.) Neyla Pekarek, the cellist for the Lumineers. 
  9. F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote, “Everyone suspects himself of at least one of the cardinal virtues.” What’s yours? [left blank]
  10. What is your favorite Cards Against Humanity card? “Stephen Hawking talking dirty,” because it made perfect sense in context. Okay, if you’re not familiar with Cards Against Humanity, answer this. On a scale of 1-10, how much do you hate whales? And on a scale of 1-10, I’d say an eleven.
  11. If you were indicted tomorrow, what would the charges be? Either murder or petty theft. It really depends on the day I’m having.
  12. Please provide a weird stock photo that describes you personally.  

stock photo_elaina

[Aiyana Spear 2017-18]

Aiyana likes to write hybrid pieces and has been a YAC member for 4 years. If writing were not an option, then knitting would be the most logical creative outlet for her.

Aiyana Answers the YAC Peculiar Questionnaire

  1. Describe the most embarrassing picture of you as a baby that your parents use to blackmail you. My parents tend to not blackmail me but if they were to it would be a picture of me and my sister wearing pointed colorful hats (for shade) eating ice cream. I had ice cream on my nose and was wearing a floral swimsuit.
  2. What is your third least favorite color and what number do you associate with it? Neon Green, 66
  3. What’s your favorite mythical creature? Animagus (animagi?)
  4. What is the current bane of your existence? Running (We’re in running quarter at school and I HATE IT).
  5. What’s the most extreme action literature has ever provoked you to do? I’m not entirely sure. Many times I have stayed up past midnight reading or writing, which is extreme for me because I usually sleep at 9.
  6. What game show would you want to be on? Why? Do cooking shows count? I can cook but I would not want to be on a game show.
  7. If you were a parrot, which Eastern European country would you travel to and why? Czech Republic during the summer: I’ve heard Prague is lovely and is not absolutely freezing in summer, and as a parrot I would want warmth.
  8. Who is your B-list celebrity crush? (Famous but not that famous.) Katie McGrath is the love of my life (although I say a lot of things are the love of my life).
  9. F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote, “Everyone suspects himself of at least one of the cardinal virtues.” What’s yours? Probably hope.
  10. What is your favorite Cards Against Humanity card? Okay, if you’re not familiar with Cards Against Humanity, answer this. On a scale of 1-10, how much do you hate whales? I’m familiar with it but, -100000 whales are great.
  11. If you were indicted tomorrow, what would the charges be? Jaywalking (I had a very elaborate dream in which I got arrested for jaywalking twice and had to check the box on the common app it was stressful).
  12. Please provide a weird stock photo that describes you personally.  

stock photo_aiyana

[Adam Dorsheimer 2017-18]

Adam likes to write short fiction and has been a YAC member for a while. If writing were not an option, then music would be the most logical creative outlet for he/him.

Adam Answers the YAC Peculiar Questionnaire

  1. Describe the most embarrassing picture of you as a baby that your parents use to blackmail you.  None, I was born at the age of 14.
  2. What is your third least favorite color and what number do you associate with it? Yellow and 1.
  3. What’s your favorite mythical creature? Fireflies, everyone says they exist but I don’t know man.
  4. What is the current bane of your existence? Thalia.
  5. What’s the most extreme action literature has ever provoked you to do? Buying a bat costume and fighting crime.
  6. What game show would you want to be on? Why? Family Feud, because Steve Harvey’s mustache is the greatest thing since sliced bread.
  7. If you were a parrot, which Eastern European country would you travel to and why Ukraine, because I’ve always wanted to see Kiev.
  8. Who is your B-list celebrity crush? (Famous but not that famous.) Mae Whitman
  9. F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote, “Everyone suspects himself of at least one of the cardinal virtues.” What’s yours? Hope
  10. What is your favorite Cards Against Humanity card? Okay, if you’re not familiar with Cards Against Humanity, answer this. On a scale of 1-10, how much do you hate whales? Lunchables
  11. If you were indicted tomorrow, what would the charges be? Fish-napping
  12. Please provide a weird stock photo that describes you personally.

stock photo_adam

[Cassidy Nicks 2017-18]

Cassidy Nicks likes to write all sorts of fun stuff and has been a YAC member for 3 years. If writing were not an option, then cooking would be the most logical creative outlet for her.

Cassidy Answers the YAC Peculiar Questionnaire

  1. Describe the most embarrassing picture of you as a baby that your parents use to blackmail you. Naked in Dad’s cowboy boots (with car keys)
  2. What is your third least favorite color and what number do you associate with it? Light, faded mint green –  12
  3. What’s your favorite mythical creature? Mythical creatures all suck because they are the biggest let down in history.  Saddest lie of all time =  lack of griffons
  4. What is the current bane of your existence? Too much homework
  5. What’s the most extreme action literature has ever provoked you to do? Repetively reading a deeply traumatizing book because it was so good.
  6. What game show would you want to be on? Why? Amazing Race – to travel
  7. If you were a parrot, which Eastern European country would you travel to and why? I wouldn’t because I’d be too lazy. I’d probably be someone’s pet to be honest. Oh well.
  8. Who is your B-list celebrity crush? (Famous but not that famous.) Please, as IF I’d have anyone  other than an A-Lister. No, just kidding – I don’t know any B-List celebrities off the top of my head, though.
  9. F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote, “Everyone suspects himself of at least one of the cardinal virtues.” What’s yours? Fortitude
  10. What is your favorite Cards Against Humanity card? Okay, if you’re not familiar with Cards Against Humanity, answer this. On a scale of 1-10, how much do you hate whales? Assuming this is sinusoidal scale where odd numbers are minimums and evens are maximums, in the interval [1-10], I am probably a 13 because I do not give many darns.
  11. If you were indicted tomorrow, what would the charges be? Public indecency or something because I’d forget to put on pants or something, and resisting arrest because I’m confused and then probably contempt in court because I’m too sarcastic.
  12. Please provide a weird stock photo that describes you personally.

stock photo_cassidy

[Emma Davis 2017-18]

Emma likes to write Poetry and Plays and has been a YAC member for 1 mos. If writing were not an option, then acting would be the most logical creative outlet for her.

Emma Answers the YAC Peculiar Questionnaire

  1. Describe the most embarrassing picture of you as a baby that your parents use to blackmail you. Me as a toddler with a pair of blue, rubber gloves on my feet, a snorkel from my stuffed bear strapped on my head, and a plastic skull in my hand. Not. Kidding.
  2. What is your third least favorite color and what number do you associate with it? Blue. I hate blue, but not as much as Green and Orange. I always associate it with 4, for some reason.
  3. What’s your favorite mythical creature? Grendel
  4. What is the current bane of your existence? One words, doors
  5. What’s the most extreme action literature has ever provoked you to do? Screaming, then falling over backwards and hitting my head. Don’t ask.
  6. What game show would you want to be on? Why? Jeopardy, because I would beat them all.
  7. If you were a parrot, which Eastern European country would you travel to and why Romainia. The Vampires. Or Strigoi. Or whatever they’re called.
  8. Who is your B-list celebrity crush? (Famous but not that famous.) …Awkward silence…
  9. F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote, “Everyone suspects himself of at least one of the cardinal virtues.” What’s yours? Justice!
  10. What is your favorite Cards Against Humanity card? Okay, if you’re not familiar with Cards Against Humanity, answer this. On a scale of 1-10, how much do you hate whales? I feel a personal connection with whales, for some reason unknown to man.
  11. If you were indicted tomorrow, what would the charges be? No, that’s not blood on my pants, Umm, its uh, chocolate…?  What? Hey, don’t go in there… No, no, Stop! The corpse… I mean the um, the uh, the… No! Stop! I didn’t do it! He was dead when I found him! Don’t tell the cops!
  12. Please provide a weird stock photo that describes you personally. 

stock photo_emma

 

[Jonas Albert Rosenthal 2017-18]

Jonas likes to write utopian fiction and manifestos and has been a YAC member for one year. If writing were not an option, then drawing up maps of imaginary locales would be the most logical creative outlet for him.

Jonas Answers the YAC Peculiar Questionnaire

  1. Describe the most embarrassing picture of you as a baby that your parents use to blackmail you. It’s a little 8 year old Jonas, with cheeks, and a big floppy hat over my ears and hair, and I’m holding a chicken and grinning. A live chicken.
  2. What is your third least favorite color and what number do you associate with it? Orange and 8
  3. What’s your favorite mythical creature? Griffin
  4. What is the current bane of your existence? The sweet, sweet temptation of not actually doing anything and instead clicking on increasingly bizarre wikipedia links.
  5. What’s the most extreme action literature has ever provoked you to do? Desperately Google Translating a German cartoon by my favorite author and trying to find out if the jokes are supposed to be surrealist, or if that’s just Google Translate.  
  6. What game show would you want to be on? Why? Let’s Make A Deal, because I could totally rock the Monty Hall Problem.
  7. If you were a parrot, which Eastern European country would you travel to and why? Poland, to haunt the streets of Kraków at night, freaking out Poles with a sentient parrot.
  8. Who is your B-list celebrity crush? (Famous but not that famous.) Eric Idle.
  9. F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote, “Everyone suspects himself of at least one of the cardinal virtues.” What’s yours? Temperance
  10. What is your favorite Cards Against Humanity card? Okay, if you’re not familiar with Cards Against Humanity, answer this. On a scale of 1-10, how much do you hate whales? Due to ongoing litigation, I cannot answer either question.
  11. If you were indicted tomorrow, what would the charges be? Conspiracy, treason, and jaywalking.
  12. Please provide a weird stock photo that describes you personally.  

stock photo_jonas

[Lucy Earl 2017-18]

Lucy likes to write pieces of writing and has been a YAC member for Lucy you write 2 years. If writing were not an option, then the pursuit of playing and reviewing every mini golf course in America would be the most logical creative outlet for ___________________.

Lucy Answers the YAC Peculiar Questionnaire

  1. Describe the most embarrassing picture of you as a baby that your parents use to blackmail you. In this picture I am without clothing, holding two very large plastic spoons, one of which holds a tin can and the other is being used to make noise with the can.
  2. What is your third least favorite color and what number do you associate with it? Beige, 245-245-220
  3. What’s your favorite mythical creature? A Gytrash
  4. What is the current bane of your existence? Air dancers/those things at car dealerships
  5. What’s the most extreme action literature has ever provoked you to do? Become a writer
  6. What game show would you want to be on? Why? Dysfunctional Family Fued
  7. If you were a parrot, which Eastern European country would you travel to and why African or European Parrot?
  8. Who is your B-list celebrity crush? (Famous but not that famous.) John Travoltage is my B-list celebrity squish
  9. F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote, “Everyone suspects himself of at least one of the cardinal virtues.” What’s yours? Sloth
  10. What is your favorite Cards Against Humanity card? Okay, if you’re not familiar with Cards Against Humanity, answer this. On a scale of 1-10, how much do you hate whales? Π (Pi)
  11. If you were indicted tomorrow, what would the charges be? Possession of a concerning amount of black trash bags in the trunk of my car
  12. Please provide a weird stock photo that describes you personally.

stock photo_lucy

[Madeline S. Dean 2017-18]

Madeline likes to write Fiction – humor and serious and has been a YAC member for 2 years. If writing were not an option, then paino would be the most logical creative outlet for her.

Madeline Answers the YAC Peculiar Questionnaire

  1. Describe the most embarrassing picture of you as a baby that your parents use to blackmail you. [no answer]
  2. What is your third least favorite color and what number do you associate with it? White and the number 0. Because they’re both nothing.
  3. What’s your favorite mythical creature? A Graffle – A cross between a giraffe and a hawk.
  4. What is the current bane of your existence? [no answer]
  5. What’s the most extreme action literature has ever provoked you to do? I threw a book once and the cover fell off. And I tugged it back on.  
  6. What game show would you want to be on? Why? What is Jeopardy? What do I do on Fridays? Who from YAC is the Quizbowl team?
  7. If you were a parrot, which Eastern European country would you travel to and why? I would go to the Czech Republic. I bet Prague would look lovely from the air.  
  8. Who is your B-list celebrity crush? (Famous but not that famous.) Bill Gates’ brother. Yes, he exists and he’s a B-list actor in Hollywood.
  9. F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote, “Everyone suspects himself of at least one of the cardinal virtues.” What’s yours? Charity
  10. What is your favorite Cards Against Humanity card? Okay, if you’re not familiar with Cards Against Humanity, answer this. On a scale of 1-10, how much do you hate whales? 5
  11. If you were indicted tomorrow, what would the charges be? Jaywalking, I jaywalk on my way to school everyday.
  12. Please provide a weird stock photo that describes you personally.

stock photo_madeline

[Thalia Medrano 2017-18]

Thalia likes to write Surrealism and Short Fiction and has been a YAC member for 2 years. If writing were not an option, then tree hopping would be the most logical creative outlet for her.

Thalia Answers the YAC Peculiar Questionnaire

  1. Describe the most embarrassing picture of you as a baby that your parents use to blackmail you. It is genuinely so terrible I can’t describe it for your sake.
  2. What is your third least favorite color and what number do you associate with it Eggshell White. -3
  3. What’s your favorite mythical creature? Banshee
  4. What is the current bane of your existence? Adam
  5. What’s the most extreme action literature has ever provoked you to do? Self Haircut
  6. What game show would you want to be on? Why? Is Ellen a gameshow? Can it be?
  7. If you were a parrot, which Eastern European country would you travel to and why? Lituania
  8. Who is your B-list celebrity crush? (Famous but not that famous.) Jeff Goldbloom
  9. F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote, “Everyone suspects himself of at least one of the cardinal virtues.” What’s yours? Justice
  10. What is your favorite Cards Against Humanity card? Okay, if you’re not familiar with Cards Against Humanity, answer this. On a scale of 1-10, how much do you hate whales? A homoerotic volleyball montage
  11. If you were indicted tomorrow, what would the charges be? Loitering
  12. Please provide a weird stock photo that describes you personally.

stock photo_thalia